Sunday roast. Tacos. Pizza. Burgers and fries. Gyros. Curry. Spring rolls. Pasta. Shepherd's Pie. Steak. Tirami-freaking-su.
These aren't just my favorite foods—they're proof that healthy cooking doesn't have to be boring."
Shocked, aye? Healthy people can't eat those delicious dishes! You're supposed to be eating beef liver and drinking raw milk and nothing else! And these presumptions and objections, my dear Buttercups, are where you're comprehensively wrong. (Sorry to call you out like this—in such a public setting. But I saw no other way.)
My aim for this post is not to expose your ignorance but rather to motivate you to do the best thing you can do for your health: find a recipe, put on an apron, and get cooking.
My mom and dad were excellent parents—very caring yet authoritative. They were all in. But there's one other supporting role that must be acknowledged for shaping me from a boy to a man, from a taker to a giver. And that's The Food Network.
Bobby Flay taught me how to form and cook a perfect burger patty. Giada De Laurentiis introduced me to the best dairy product on earth, mascarpone cheese. Rachel Ray taught me that you can fake it till you make it. The Pioneer Woman, as sweet as she is, confirmed to me that Tex-Mex is an inferior food genre. Guy Fieri exemplified the most winsome, infectious energy. In Chopped, I saw how champions rose to the challenge and how drama queens were exposed, and ultimately, chopped (critical life lesson). And most importantly, Paula Dean taught me to run on butter.
While 10-year-old Vance was entertained by these shows, present-day Vance sees them as much more than amusing. I now view these figures for who they've always been: my guardian angels directing me to my destiny. If it weren't for Bobby and Giada and Paula, I would've never fallen in love with cooking. And in turn, I would've never taken to healthy living.
This is all to say: thank you Food Network for making me the man—the leader—I am today.
I just asked ChatGPT how to eat a healthy diet, getting the answer I expected: eat lean proteins and fruits and vegetables, and minimize processed food, blah blah blah...
Veggies? for health? Groundbreaking.
The healthy eating tips from ChatGPT—an anecdote of what we all hear from dietitians and doctors—are not necessarily bad. Boring? Absolutely. But fairly truthful, nonetheless. Veggies are good and processed food is bad. But the central failure of this advice is that it discourages—and is a disrespect to—cooking.
You tell me: Have you ever made a killer meal by thinking legumes, whole grains, lean protein, and healthy fats? Reading "dark leafy greens" is about as inspirational as a Joe Biden speech. Mountains go unmoved and hearts go unchanged by listicles of fiber-rich foods. Beef liver is obviously nutrient-dense, but it doesn't scream j'adore cuisiner!
Gaslit into a false reality where healthy eating looks plain like the Midwest and sounds depressing like a Lana Del Ray song, we go back to eating what's convenient and unhealthy. Jaded is your view of the kitchen.
Pots and pans are bondage. The oven, an albatross around your neck. The pantry, paltry. The fridge? Lifeless.
A Lesson from Tacos
Greatness flourishes when we're free (see: the U.S.A.). Therefore, rather than thinking I need to eat healthy foods, we ought to be thinking what sort of flavors can I create tonight? Culinary curiosity begets nutrient-rich eating. Take, for example, my second favorite food, tacos.
If you're basic, your tacos probably look something like this: flour tortilla, ground beef, store-bought salsa, and shredded cheese. These tacos, my dear Buttercups, are not only social suicide but also lacking in flavor and nutrients.
Whereas, Running On Butter Tacos™ would look something like this: homemade cassava tortillas, slow-cooked shredded beef, sautéed peppers, pickled onions, fresh Pico de Gallo, cubed sweet potatoes (so good), homemade guacamole, a garnish of cilantro, a squeeze of lime. Chef's 💋.
Nutritionally superior and 10x delicious, these tacos are how you win friends and influence people.
Cooking takes effort. If it were a thoughtless endeavor, it wouldn't be special. If you're intimidated by the kitchen, you shouldn't be. Find a recipe that looks appetizing, and follow its instructions. Learn from mistakes, and be creative.
For those who simply refuse to cook: good luck in life. I wish you health and I hope you find meaning. But with the sort of fixed mindset you're displaying right now, I doubt you'll find either.
It is not uncommon for Buttercups to ask, "What's just one way I can live a healthier life?" While there are many correct answers (don't eat seed oils, exercise more, delete TikTok), I believe the single most radical way you will be healthier is by making delicious foods. Do it for your health.
Do it for the love of cooking.
I love experimenting in the kitchen and love all of those same Food-Network chefs too; but you really had me at "And most importantly, Paula Dean taught me to run on butter."...butter, butter, butter❤️
Amazing! I leave encouraged but also laughing as well! Homemade meals are far superior in my mind. Can take lots of effort depending on what is being made, but greatly worth it. Keep up the great work.